I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
