I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
