just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
