ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize