Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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