did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
