No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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