I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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