i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
