my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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