Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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