I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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