y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Me too!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
