If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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