dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
