Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How's work?
Spinning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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