found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
