R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
