do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
