I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were trust falling into bushes
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