My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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