Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
