you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
