the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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