The maid of honor just puked.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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