i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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