if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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