There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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