Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
