put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So many bounce houses so little time
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
