If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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