life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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