when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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