yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
