Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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