another moral hangover. fuck.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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