I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
