you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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