I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
