she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
