im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
