Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
