absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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