I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
