Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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