and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
