moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my poor anus
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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