just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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