and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
