and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
