I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
