I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't notice because vodka
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
