i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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