Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
