Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He felt like a one man threesome
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
