we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
