he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
