i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
