You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
