i think i have two assholes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
