Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
