If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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