They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
