Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
