I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
