What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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