You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
