I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
