I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
