Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
