She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
